The Art of Asking - The Grace of Receiving

"Ask and you shall receive".

We have heard it many times, in many forms and many languages. But is it really as simple as it sounds? Do we all receive what we ask for every time? Do we truly get what our hearts desire, no matter how deeply and passionately we ask?

I don’t know about you, but I certainly don’t. There are things I have wanted, prayed for, asked for – and they did not come. Sometimes I was sad and I prayed, sometimes I felt helpless and I pleaded, and sometimes I was angry and I demanded. Yet no matter how strongly I asked or wanted, I did not receive.

But there have also been times when I received exactly what I asked for. And not only what I asked for – I received even better. I received more than I imagined.

When I think about those moments, those successful receivings, I realize that some fundamentals were different. I asked differently. I did not fear the consequences of receiving. I did not wonder, “What if I don’t get it? “What if I don’t deserve it?” or “What if I cannot handle it?”

I was 150% sure – certain beyond logic – that I will get it, that it already will be, that it already is.

Reflecting on my realization, I can see a common pattern, a three-part harmony emerging:

– Knowing clearly what it is I want

– Having no fear or doubt about receiving it

– Absolute certainty that sooner or later, I will have it

I remember when I was growing up in Iran, students were taught English in school, but there was not a strong focus on learning the language proficiently. Because of that, many students attended private language institutes if they wanted to learn conversational English more seriously.

I attended the Iran Language Institute (ILI) which was the main and most prominent language school at the time. It had 27 semesters in total, and it was very common for students to repeat at least one level – sometimes even several.

I remember when I first started, I was, at best, a mediocre student. I passed each term with just enough of a grade to move forward.

One day, we went on a picnic with a large group of friends, and we were talking with other students who also attended the same institute. There was this boy who confidently said that everyone fails at least once. He insisted there was simply no way for a student to pass all 27 levels on the first attempt unless they had lived abroad. Others agreed with him and said they had never seen anyone pass every level without failing at least once, including themselves.

Surprised, I said, “It cannot be that no one has ever done it.”

After a short pause, I added, “I will pass straight through.”

He looked at me and asked, “Which level are you in?”

I said, “Level 6.”

He laughed in disbelief and said, “Such a low level and such a high confidence! We will talk when you are at least halfway there.”

I looked into his eyes and said, “Deal. Because I will not fail even once.”

And at that moment, I knew it in my heart. Even though I was already struggling in my English classes, I knew this would be my path. I knew what I wanted. I was not afraid of the effort, the time, or the work I had to put in. And I was certain – absolutely certain – that I would achieve it no matter what anyone said or thought.

And it became my path.

  —————————————————————

In his book Conversations with God, Neale Donald Walsch asks God about prayers and how they work and this is the response:

“You will not have that for which you ask, nor can you have anything you want. This is because your very request is a statement of lack, and your saying you want a thing only works to produce the precise experience – wanting – in your reality.

The correct prayer is therefore never a prayer of supplication, but a prayer of gratitude.

When you thank God in advance for that which you choose to experience in your reality, you acknowledge that it is already there, in effect. Thankfulness is thus the most powerful statement to God; an affirmation that before you ask, I have answered.

Therefore, never supplicate. Appreciate.”

When I first read this, I found it both profound and difficult to grasp. I thought about it and eventually something came to me that made the message feel more tangible to the modern world we live in today. Here it is:

When I order something online from a legitimate website that I fully trust and from which I have ordered before – I never sit there wondering whether my order truly went through. I simply know it will arrive around the time I am told. And it always does. In fact, there have been times when I opened a package and thought, “Oh yes, I ordered this!” I had forgotten about it because I was so certain it would come.

But when I order from a website I do not fully trust – one I have never used before or never even heard of – I constantly check the tracking updates. I worry whether it is a scam, whether I wasted my money, whether the product will look anything like the pictures, or whether I was simply fooled.

These two examples are somewhat similar to how we pray and ask for the things we want in life.

Sometimes we pray like we are ordering from that unknown website. We doubt. We fear. We constantly wonder whether our request was “received” and whether it will be “answered”.

That’s when in our heart we are unclear, uncertain, and anxious about the outcome. It is like we do not have faith in the source or in our request. And how disappointing it is when all we hear is silence…

The other day I was speaking with my mom, and she said, “I would really love to move to the United States and live closer to my children. But then I think… would we become a burden on your lives? Would we have enough to live comfortably? Would we still have an active social life like we do here?”

And I realized that her heart desires it, but her mind is still filled with fear, uncertainty, and doubt. So how can she ask when she is not clear and does not know what she wants?

When we know exactly what we want, we trust the process completely, and we are certain without thinking about the “what ifs”, like we know the website and we trust it, that’s when magic happens.

This my friend, is what faith truly looks like.

And I’m not only talking about faith in our prayers being answered. I am reminding us of the faith in the abundance of the universe, in the fact that we are only a tiny part of a complex system and do not fully understand how things work.

Faith that anything is possible.

Faith that everything is possible.

It is not easy to change the way we think after a lifetime of being taught otherwise. We have been taught that if you want something strongly enough and work hard enough, you will eventually get it. We have been taught about the survival of the fittest, the victory of the strongest, and the success of the smartest. Yet very little has been said about the quiet glory of faith – of asking, trusting, appreciating, and letting go.

We have not been taught enough about the power of gratitude, thankfulness, and certainty. We have not learned to be thankful for what we don’t have, for what we currently lack, and therefore for all the potential, growth, and becoming that awaits

.

I feel it is not about learning how to ask better but how to trust more deeply. It is a journey of embracing faith. I still have a long way to go before I fully intertwine this with my heart. But I believe I’m on the right path. I am learning and absorbing and growing. Not an easy path but a deeply exhilarating one.

And if you’d like help with that, my door is wide open.

If you enjoyed this reflection, you may also enjoy my blogs on Echoes on the Surface:

https://www.nedacoach.com/post/echoes-on-the-surface