The Field Beyond Right and Wrong

I used to believe that if a person had one defining trait, it meant they couldn’t also possess its opposite.

If I was kind, I couldn’t be mean.

If I was a hard worker, I couldn’t have lazy days.

If I was smart, I couldn’t ever feel clueless.

That belief lasted until the day my little sister told me her dream.

My sister is six years younger than me. We played together constantly. She was my sweet little doll, and I was her caring supportive companion. She knew I was always there for her, and I knew what we have is for life.

One summer morning, when she was seven or eight, she told me she had a strange dream. A black, frightening ghost was chasing her through a giant house with endless rooms and narrow hallways. And then I appeared. Not as myself, but as a beautiful white angel, taking her hand, guiding her through, trying to escape.

Eventually the ghost blocked our path, doing that classic movie villain laugh. I spread my arms, shielding her. She hid behind me, confident that I would protect her with all my might.

Then…the ghost revealed its identity;

It was me!

And that’s when she woke up.

I was excited and flattered up until that moment when I realized: In her mind, I was both an angel and a villain! But she was my biggest fan. How could it be?!

Years passed and as I grew older, Rumi’s words began shifting my worldview:

“Beyond right and wrong there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”

I started to understand:

Nothing is purely good or bad. It just... is.

We all carry every trait within us. What changes is :

How much we reveal, when, and to whom – consciously or subconsciously.

Sometimes the qualities we are most proud of are fueled by the quiet fear that we might also carry their opposite. The over-compensation becomes our armor, a sign of our internal knowing.

We all know someone who is unbelievably sweet to their children but sharp-tongued with their spouse. Someone who is the heart of the party but withdrawn at home. Someone who is calm professionally but a storm in their private life.

The truth is: 

We are multitudes.

We are not either /or.

We are both /and.

Let me explain with three examples:

1. The Crazy

Society often labels stubborn people as naïve, unrealistic, even “crazy.” But they are the ones who refuse to settle for “how things are.”

As Steve Jobs said:

“The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.”

Those “crazy” ones are rule-breakers and dream-makers - the ones who bring magic into existence.

Change has never come from ordinary acceptance of the status quo or the familiar possible. It comes from those bold enough to believe in the impossible.

2. The Liar

We always tell our children: lying is bad.

But look at the characteristics a strong liar requires:

Strong imagination to come up with a story

Good memory to remember the story

Storytelling skills to convince others of the story

Confidence to move on after telling the story!

If used ethically with intention, in the right moment, a lie can protect, comfort, or save someone. It becomes harmful only when it is misused – out of place, out of proportion, and as the default escape to avoid responsibility or accountability for one’s actions. 

3. The Intelligent

   
   

Take straight-A students who pride themselves on being brilliant.

If they truly believed they had zero weakness… why study? Why work so hard?

Deep down, even the smartest know, there are parts of their mind that forget, struggle, or doubt.That awareness is what drives effort.

Socrates said:

“I only wish that ordinary people had an unlimited capacity for doing harm; then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.”

Within every strength lives a silent fear of losing, that if it ever fades away, we might lose face in the eyes of society. Inside every weakness lies potential that teaches us - in the most basic form - how strong we can truly become.

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My Two Realizations:

I am both the light and the shadow

I carry kindness and harshness, courage and fear, wisdom and confusion - just like every other human.

Labels limit us

When we call traits “good” or “bad,” we miss their lessons and their power.

Every quality has a useful side, depending on time, place, intention, and proportion.

If we learn to embrace every part of ourselves, even the inconvenient parts, we gain fullness. And that's when we can transform our weaknesses into strengths.

Imagine the power we hold when all our sides work together.

I still have a long way to go, but widening my lens has brought more understanding, more freedom from judgment of others and of myself, and more peace.

I encourage you to try it too. Look beyond labels. See the whole spectrum. You might be amazed at the magic you uncover.

And if you'd like help with that, my door is wide open.

If you enjoyed this reflection, you may also enjoy my blog on what pain can teach us:

https://www.nedacoach.com/post/when-shoulder-freezes-heart-softens